Britannia first to leave 'I'm a Democracy, get me out of here'.
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Posted by the Tony Bennett News Agency.
A tearful Britannia spoke today of her joy at the decision of the British people to vote her the first to leave the jungle of Europa Island, in the long-running saga: 'I'm a Democracy, Get me Out of Here'.
Britannia, who had been in the jungle for over 30 years, said: "It was awful. When my agent, Edward Heath, got me a place on 'I'm a Democracy', I was thrilled. I was told I'd make lots more money and would be happy ever after.
But Marianne France and Fritz Deutscher ganged up against me. Marianne used to confide in me but then stabbed me in the back. I couldn't trust her. Fritz was domineering and always seemed to get his own way. I discovered after I got to Europa Island that Marianne and Fritz would have secret trysts every 6 months, when they'd lay down all the rules we were supposed to live by.
I've always been independent and believe in 'live and let live', but the others kept forming councils and committees and laying down the law. Most of the time I couldn't move for Directives. They kept on bringing in newcomers on to the island like Paddy O'Murphy and Zorba the Greek, but they ganged up with Marianne and Fritz to outvote me all the time - though I used to get some support from Erik Svensson and Hans Christian Anderson from time to time. I'd work harder and more efficiently than most of them, yet the council divided up the spoils and I ended up getting less and less to manage on. One of the worst things was this Court thing they set up where if they didn't like you, you were guilty unless you proved your innocence. Fritz used to act as judge and jury, and kept on shouting: 'Europa ueber alles'. And they were going to bring on more outsiders like Polly Polak, Mary Magyar and Larry Latvia. I used to like listening to the Elgar's Enigma Variations and Vaughan Williams on my walkman, but Fritz would drown it out on his ghettoblaster with the last movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony all the time".
The decision to vote Britannia off Europa Island was made by the British people on an ITV telepoll, the BBC having been instructed by Prime Minister Tony Blair not to allow a vote on who could leave.
Asked about her future away from Europa Island, Britannia said: "I'm looking forward to spending more time with my relatives and friends like Uncle Sam and Aussie Castlemaine XXXX. And to doing my own thing once again. It was a close thing, you know. One year later, under the proposed European Constitution, people like Fritz, Marianne and Zorba would have had the vote on whether I could leave or not. I would have been on Europa Island for life. Thank you, the people of Britain!"